They say that the older you get, the faster time seems to rush by. And certainly, I find myself today viewing with amazement the fact that twenty - yes, twenty! - years have passed since I made my first vows. That's two whole decades... and only five years short of a silver jubilee!
I have been re-reading my posts from my last five anniversaries (listed below), and really, they say so much of how I feel today. There is, as always, gratitude and quiet, deeply contented joy. Both spring from the same source: the strength and magnitude of the steadfast, unbounded love and fidelity of the God who has called me, continues to call, and keeps covenant with me, day by day.
RSCJ make their vows trusting in the fidelity of God and the love of my sisters... but when I first pronounced those words, twenty years ago, I'm not sure I fully grasped quite what God's fidelity would entail. I understood love: I knew how it felt to be in love, and the lengths to which love could take me; knew, overwhelmingly, that I was deeply, abundantly loved by God... but my fuller, deeper understanding of God's fidelity came gradually, through experience. It came in the gentle assurance of his presence, in times of stress and darkness as well as satisfaction and gladness; in reminders and nudges and moments filled with grace; in growing inner certainty, and in the loving support and friendship of my sisters, friends, family and others.
The fidelity of God, according to our Constitutions, dwells at the very core of our weakness. That's where it has to be, where it is most needed: keeping faith when I lack faith, transcending and making up for all that is lacking in me.
For all that has been,
For all that is to come,
Anniversary posts 2011-15
I am yours and for you...
Community and certainty
The source of my joy