How can I repay the Lord...?

Thirty years ago today I became a candidate with the Society of the Sacred Heart, and embarked on the utterly amazing, challenging and joy-filling adventure of religious life. Like the magi at this weekend's Epiphany, I had found the One I had been seeking, only to discover that one journey's end was also another journey's beginning. I had come home, come to the place where I hoped to find that 'more' of God for which I longed; what I didn't realise was that the journey ahead would take me into the depths of God's Heart, and therefore into the heart of our world. And it would be up and down, and there would be pain and renunciation and heartache, but overwhelmingly, there would be that 'more' I sought, and deep joy, and all manner of hundredfold, as Christ promised to his followers.

Thirty years ago there were words like 'grace' and 'glory' and 'contemplation', which were barely in my vocabulary, and words whose meaning I only naively understood... the Heart of Jesus, community, God's steadfast fidelity... which have, over the years, seeped inescapably into every part of me, so that life without them is now unthinkable. And the wonder and the joy of it is, there is still more to come!

How can I repay the Lord for his goodness to me? 

This line from Psalm 115 came to me yesterday, as I pondered the fact that yes, it is indeed a whole thirty years since I entered. I can hardly believe it; or rather, I can believe it, and almost not believe it, at the same time... And my belief is filled with gratitude, and wonder, and a deep, constant awareness of the goodness and fidelity which keeps me here, and makes up for all that is lacking in me.

And all this calls for a quiet rejoicing, and a whole-hearted recommitment and re-giving of myself to this journey with God, and to our mission of making Love known, wherever we may be.

For how else can I repay the Lord for his goodness to me...?