Light and unknowing

Nineteen years today since I became a candidate with the Society. Last year I wrote about the journeying and the finding, especially in times of darkness, and the inner light which kept me going (here). But at this time of the liturgical year what I most remember about those final few pre-candidate days is how much the readings helped me.

First there was John's Prologue, with the light - my guiding light - shining in the darkness, never to be overcome. And then came John the Baptist, leaving all else to be the sure and certain herald of Jesus. And for the first time I noticed him saying of Jesus and his mission: I did not know him myself, and yet it was to reveal him to Israel that I came baptising with water...

I did not know him... and yet I reveal him... It suddenly struck me that John must have received his call in darkness and confusion, and yet it was crystal clear - to herald a Messiah he did not know. And that was so comforting - the idea of John experiencing unknowing, when he always gave the impression of being so sure, especially as I myself was experiencing my own share of doubt and uncertainty. And, as with so many insights, it was given, not just for that moment, but to carry me through many subsequent times of confusion and unknowing.

And given not just for me... the impulse to share it has come because, who knows, someone might one day read this in darkness and know that it is not the end; that light - even if only the tiniest glimmer - will always be there.