Our hidden selves

The other evening, I was part of a small reflection group, where, at one point, we were asked to consider what words we would display in our bedrooms to inspire and encourage us in how we live our Christian vocations. It was certainly a thought-provoking question, which I could not answer - maybe because of the many choices I could present myself with. Would I opt for scripture, a Society text, a hymn or something else? So many words, from different sources, have inspired and focused me over the years, be they words of God's presence and promise, or of call, consolation or an invitation to prayer and stillness, or simply, fundamentally, to greater loving. 

What would you choose?

Luckily, some of the others had words they could share. And one young woman talked about the significance for her of these words being in her bedroom - the private, personal space where her inmost self could relax and recharge, pray and draw strength. And I was reminded of St Paul's prayer in his letter to the Ephesians. It's a beautiful prayer, filled with love, and everything I would want to pray for myself and for another person: in fact, I had adapted it last week when asked to lead a prayer of blessing - which is probably why what bubbled to the surface was the invocation that God will give you the power, through the Spirit, for your hidden self to grow strong.

But what is our hidden self? Often, it can mean the parts of ourselves we are determined to keep hidden, through shame or fear: past misdeeds; present failings or weaknesses; thoughts and feelings we dare not disclose; aspects of ourselves - our 'shadow sides' - we'd like to conceal from ourselves, as well as the rest of the world. But this cannot be what Paul wanted us to strengthen!! No; our hidden selves, for Paul, had to be akin to that private, personal space... had to be our deepest depths, which even we cannot fathom or see, but where Christ dwells in our hearts, seeing well beyond our exteriors and our facades. It has to be that space in which we pray, and nurture our relationship with God... That place of our brokenness and our deepest wounds, as well as our inner resilience and greatest joys... That place, maybe, where masks are removed, revealing the gentleness normally camouflaged by gruffness, or pain by a professional veneer. 

And it is in strengthening that very hidden self - through space and companionship, prayer and service - that we can begin to confront and chip away at our less God-centred hidden selves and shadow sides, and bring them into a place where they have less and less power.

And whether you know your Ephesians or not, I'll leave you with St Paul's prayer. It's a lovely one we can pray for ourselves, and for others, to the God whose power permeating us can always achieve infinitely more than we can even begin to imagine.

I pray that out of his infinite glory God will give you the power, through the Spirit, for your hidden self to grow strong, so that Christ may live in your heart through faith, and then, rooted in love and built on love, you will with all the saints have strength to grasp the breadth and the length, the height and the depth; until, knowing the love of Christ, which is beyond all knowledge, you are filled with the utter fullness of God. 

Glory be to God, whose power, working in us, can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine...
(Ephesians 3: 16-20)
Amen